… I am who I wanna be!
Looking back at myself one year ago! I was on the phone with my ex where he explained to me that he wanted me to forget the thought of him and move on for good. That night was full of tears and my heart was torn into a million pieces. I thought that I had lost the love of my life, my soul mate and my best friend but the truth is, it was all I needed to find myself again and claim my identity and work harder than ever in life.
Yes, I entered a rough time where my heart was bleeding every night with painful tears, still believing that he might come back and fight for me and save me but he never did. He never looked back and left me when I was laying on the ground with the wounds. I had to be my own hero and save myself from falling into the darkness, because somehow I saw the light and the strength that I needed to pull me up and fight! I managed to pass all my courses through all semester, my bond with my friends and family grew stronger but most importantly I started to believe in myself again.
I was still “in love” with my ex 5 months after the breakup but one day I was so fed up with feeling sad and still hoping that he would come back. It was during this time Daniel entered into my life and to be honest, I had no plans on falling for someone again especially after my ex. Yes I felt something for Daniel the moment I met him in March, it was like love at first sight but I was still in control of my feelings (I still am). But the thing with Daniel and I is how should I put it, complicated? When I met him, it was a casual thing because I had no plans being in a relationship at that time so it was easy, well not quite! I don’t do casual and if I feel something then it’s there so it bugged me so much when he didn’t write to me or anything.
At first I thought that he wasn’t into me that way and that I was more like a flavor of the day for him, but I confronted him and gave him the option to walk away from my life yet one month later we had our second date where he bought me dinner and we talked for hours and hours about life and other random stuff. But there was one thing that happened which made me believe that I would never see him again since he has normally been with model looking girls with big boobs and lips. I was not like those girls and I don’t strive to be like them, I could only be me and it seems like he liked that girl by calling me beautiful and interesting. I thought it was over after that day but I met him randomly in town which was so awkward moment but after that … NOTHING! Summer came along, I was here and there, he seemed to be hanging out with his friends but I let the thought of him go.
Now about 3 weeks ago, I woke up to a 🙂 from him on the chat, now I was confused and thought he sent to wrong person so few hours later I wrote -> 🙂 to you too! Then he started to write which is very unlike him to do so “quick” and he was asking how I was doing and asked if I was in Uppsala yet (which I was not) and asked if we could hang out once I got to Uppsala. I was shocked because I never thought he would contact me after the incident but this somehow proved that he really likes me too but I still don’t understand why he sucks at replying. He sent me kiss emoji and calling me beautiful yet being the way he is. I have never experienced this before, my exes where much better in replying but none of them were caring and romantic towards me like Daniel.
The thing is, call me crazy! I have a really strong feeling about this guy and I don’t know why, like he keeps on coming back and he feels right for me. If he just showed that he was serious about me I would actually want to date him for real and see what this could lead to and believe me, in my 28 years I have never felt or said that about a guy before. But I can’t force someone to write or be active, it’s just the way he is and it’s one of the few things I don’t like about him but it’s a big one! I don’t know what to do! My friends say that I should not give up and they all have a strong feeling about us which is super weird for me. Either way! I have come a long way and I’m not letting anyone take my happiness from me that I have created for myself and I strongly believe that things will be alright in the end even if it’s a long way to go. I don’t regret anything because it made me to who I am today, so never give up! ❤
– Hugs x heart –