Sitting in my room with a swollen eye the day before Valborg, fun huh?
No I didn’t get into a fight! My eye just swell up this morning, so I have been avoiding people almost all day… well there was one problem though, I had an interview for an internship which I couldn’t cancel, but thankfully it wasn’t the worst thing ever. On the previous posts I was really sad but this week has been really interesting. Life is very funny when things happens at the same time. First of all, I have been to few interviews at different exciting companies for an internship next semester, I’m hoping that I’ll score one but it feels nice that they see my as a good/attractive candidate! Second news is much bigger; my ex wrote to me and I actually met him over coffee. Wait what? You did what? you might say!
Yes, I met my ex after 7 months and he said that he wanted to talk to me but didn’t have the courage and that it was not fair to me after he broke up. For those who have been following my blog for some time knows that he brutally broke my heart and I was madly in love with him and he was the reason I said yes to my Masters at Uppsala to be happy. Anyways, we decided to meet up and I saw his waiting for me, he hugged me and said that I looked great. It wasn’t that awkward but things were different, it was very casual and we talked about stuff going on, some old memories from our English classes last year and he told about some family stuff but he was kinda the same. Too be honest, it was actually nice! I was happy that we could be friendly but we both were holding back a lot. He told me that he had missed me and I gave him a hug, not more than that.
The next day he sent me a text saying that he had a really good time and we talked about meeting this weekend in Uppsala. I went to my parents to grab some stuff for the week and guess who writes to me on Facebook? This leads to third thing. Yes, Daniel wrote to me and we started to talk. He asked how I was doing and how the studies were going. I just said that it’s lots to do and he said: Yeah same here. Anyways, long story short, we talked about maybe meeting soon to grab a dinner. Don’t ask me why but my heart was beating so hard and I was happy that he thought of me even though he is the worst in communication and not the most reliable person like most guys. At that very moment I realized something, my feelings for my ex had faded away and Daniel was the person who was on my mind. I can say that I’m not in love with my ex anymore, sure I love him and care for him but not like before because I have changed as a person and I can’t get over the fact that he left me and all those months of painful nights with tears. I have no trust in my ex, he has to earn it and prove that he can change but at this moment I don’t feel anything for him. I cancelled our meeting for this weekend because my gut feeling said it was not a good idea since I’m just friends with him.
If I had to choose between my ex or Daniel, I would go for Daniel since I get butterflies when I just think of him, we clicked at first sight. When he kissed me was the best feeling ever! He is positive and exciting guy with many things I’ve dreamt of while my ex is more bitter of life and people but really understanding and caring person who have ALWAYS motivated and believed in me. One thing is clear! I’m not going to stress about it, just live my life the way it is and if it turn out that I’m alone, that’s fine too. I feel stronger and happier than ever and that’s the most important part in this whole process that I AM HAPPY! I feel things are going forward but of course there is a long way to go and it won’t be easy or sunny. Of course there will be days I want to cry but everything will be alright in the end. I just need to have patience and work hard!
Hope everything is great with you! Have a wonderful weekend ❤
– Hugs x heart –