The presentation for Dressmann goes beyond (South Korea) was a success and the representatives from the company seemed to enjoy it. Not to be a bragger but our presentation layout/design kicked ass, even our classmates love the design, me and my group member did it together since we both are very creative and love layouting!
After 6 hours of listening to presentations my brain checked out from this planet, and the girls from my team convinced me to have dinner and go out for St Patrick’s Day (not that you celebrate it in Sweden) at some Nations. It ended up me partying till midnight, it was a single girls night! Wanted to feel free, independent and not think about love or relationships, just have fun. Did I enjoy it? To be honest. No, not really! I loved the House music and everything, but I’m no party girl. The thing is that since I’ve moved here, this seems to be a way to socialize with people otherwise you are alone in your room.
Me going out tonight felt different and empty, it felt like I was trying too hard to get loose while my mind was saying: What are you doing Nad? Since when do you go out and party too often nowadays? Since when do you “hookup” with a guy you met only because he was charming and said the right things at the right time? You are going against everything that you believed in just because you are so fucking fed up with people and the whole situation. I’m being a rebel and not caring at all! My ex changed EVERYTHING and he is the reason I changed as a person and I don’t know why I really don’t care anymore when it comes to things, yes I wanted to be with Daniel because he made me feel safe, good about myself and feeling attractive, I wanted to fill the void with no strings attached and he was so fricking hot and all mine for that evening!
I’m just gonna say it out loud for the first time: I HATE BEING SINGLE! I’m so sick being brave and pretend that things are okay. Why am I the one suffering all the time when it comes to love and relationships? Why can’t I be the girl who for once gets the guy? I’m 27 and I hate my situation so much! I hate the fact that EVERYONE in my life are moving on with their lives while I’m where I was 5 years ago.
I havn’t had a single successful relationship in my life, the highlights are the guy who left me for another girl, the bipolar guy who brutally broke my heart and six months later got played by a fuckboy. What the hell have I done to deserve this shit? I’m an honest girl who wants the best for people and being understanding and yet I get mistreated, disrespected/humiliated. Why? Because I’m the good girl that no fucking guy wants because they are “scared” to commit, I’m too safe of a card or that they find someone who spread their legs for them instant, that is ALL that matters! I’m just so over this and yes tomorrow I will be like what the heck did I just post but I’m not going to sugar code things and say that it’s rainbows and my little ponies with fairy dust!
This is me being honest and real! No, I’m going to bed now!
- I’m just feeling alone and I don’t deserve it at all!
I’m checking out!