How to let it go?

How to let it go?

Hey guys!

Hope everything is great with you all! I am enjoying my 10 days off before starting new courses on Monday and meeting friends almost every day because I normally don’t have time to meet everyone and since I moved to Uppsala it gets more difficult. Tomorrow I will just be at home and do NOTHING which is awesome haha!

img_6078-1Swedish fika

I have been in Stockholm city most of the time and enjoying the city and the “spring-ish” weather even though it’s still chilly. I really needed this time off to re-charge the batteries and just be with people I love because it’s been quite lonely in Uppsala lately even if I have some people to hang with. I don’t know, I really try to cope with the situation and focus on my studies and everything but it’s only ONE time I genuinely felt happy in a long time and it was when I had a date with Daniel.

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View of Stockholm City Hall

Oh what happened to that guy? Well, last week I got fed up and wrote him a message basically saying in a very mature way that it was sad that he couldn’t answer my message and that it was okay. I would have liked if he could just be honest if he didn’t want to meet me again since we are both adults and that I really enjoyed our date and found him interesting even though he made the first move and later kissed me. So I just thanked him for that day and wished him well. Of course he answered me and said: Oh sorry, don’t take it personally I have many messages that I’ve missed (since he have no smart phone) and that he had a great time too and wanted to see me again but is quite busy (which he is not) and yeah that was the last thing we wrote. I mean I gave the guy an option and yet he said yes that he wanted to see my someday, I mean why say that? I don’t know why but he was stuck in my head and I couldn’t let the thought of him go, I really liked him and then it hit me why I liked him so much! He is a much better version of my ex and he was sweet to me!

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I don’t have much of a choice to let people go even if I want to fight and give it a shot, but you can’t fool destiny and you can NEVER force people to feel the same for you as you do for them. Yes it sucks! I hate every minute of letting people go that touched my heart since I’m a loving person who is so picky when it comes to guys and when I choose someone, I’m dedicated and loving yet keeping a healthy distance and approach, to not seem clingy. I don’t chase people but it makes me sad when they leave or not give a chance! My heart has so much love for people and I care so much! I also care about you guys, I feel like I’m a part of this online family that I can share my feelings and thoughts with. You guys are the reason I love writing and making posts even though it’s not always fun topics but I write whatever is in my head and heart, see this as a special thing since you know more about my heart than my closest people! I know you take me for me! Love you ❤

– Hugs x heart –

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Manboy, manboy!

Manboy, manboy!

FINALLY MY EXAMS ARE DONE!

Now I have freedom for 10 days… Can I get a woop woop?

OMG you guys! I have been living under a rock the past 4 days and isolating from the world and I had two home exams this week, where we had 10 hours/exams to answer “essay” questions. Yesterday I had only 3 hours of sleep and was so lost afterwards. Some people in the class were like: Lets go out and celebrate (Here in Sweden they want to celebrate for every moment = reason to get drunk). Like I mentioned, I’m no party girl but I was in need to be social with people after being in my room and not doing anything.

So we went to one of the nations where they had crap music that you couldn’t dance to yet people “trying” to dance, I danced maybe one hour until I was feeling dizzy (lack of sleep) so I sat down while my classmates where dancing. Suddenly a guy sits next to me and smiles, ehm hi?! We talked a bit but he didn’t say that much and just looked at me and just smiled, it… was… kind… of… awkward! He was like yeah you looked like a nice girl but I was so lost in my world and we had NO connection whatsoever and I guess that he was around 22-23 something (like a shy boy). Ok he will get credit that he had the courage to come up to me and talk. After a while, he was yeah I’m gonna go to my friends haha… I mean it didn’t click, what should a girl do?

Afterward this other comes up to me and my friend and says: I know you guys from somewhere. I like looked like a confused penguin and so did my friend, but I remembered after that I saw him another evening when we had night out with the class and he knows one of the girls. So he started to talk to me and it was nothing special, just talked about school. He was an easygoing guy who liked to talk, yet again no one I like in a certain way (no click) and he was like a little brother (he is 21 haha), anyways he kept me company home since he lived in the same area and it was quite late. So we said goodbye and now I’m home feeling so tired but I wanted to write a post before I go to bed! The evening was ok, it was also awkward seeing this girl in my Master’s class who has a boyfriend being clingy on a guy in my IB class (kind of douchy guy) who was holding her waist and stuff, oh goodness.

Alright! Good night ❤

– Hugs x heart –

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Gonna tell the truth

Gonna tell the truth

The presentation for Dressmann goes beyond (South Korea) was a success and the representatives from the company seemed to enjoy it. Not to be a bragger but our presentation layout/design kicked ass, even our classmates love the design, me and my group member did it together since we both are very creative and love layouting!

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After 6 hours of listening to presentations my brain checked out from this planet, and the girls from my team convinced me to have dinner and go out for St Patrick’s Day (not that you celebrate it in Sweden) at some Nations. It ended up me partying till midnight, it was a single girls night! Wanted to feel free, independent and not think about love or relationships, just have fun.  Did I enjoy it? To be honest. No, not really! I loved the House music and everything, but I’m no party girl. The thing is that since I’ve moved here, this seems to be a way to socialize with people otherwise you are alone in your room.

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Me going out tonight felt different and empty, it felt like I was trying too hard to get loose while my mind was saying: What are you doing Nad? Since when do you go out and party too often nowadays? Since when do you “hookup” with a guy you met only because he was charming and said the right things at the right time? You are going against everything that you believed in just because you are so fucking fed up with people and the whole situation. I’m being a rebel and not caring at all! My ex changed EVERYTHING and he is the reason I changed as a person and I don’t know why I really don’t care anymore when it comes to things, yes I wanted to be with Daniel because he made me feel safe, good about myself and feeling attractive, I wanted to fill the void with no strings attached and he was so fricking hot and all mine for that evening!

I’m just gonna say it out loud for the first time: I HATE BEING SINGLE! I’m so sick being brave and pretend that things are okay. Why am I the one suffering all the time when it comes to love and relationships? Why can’t I be the girl who for once gets the guy? I’m 27 and I hate my situation so much! I hate the fact that EVERYONE in my life are moving on with their lives while I’m where I was 5 years ago.

I havn’t had a single successful relationship in my life, the highlights are the guy who left me for another girl, the bipolar guy who brutally broke my heart and six months later got played by a fuckboy. What the hell have I done to deserve this shit? I’m an honest girl who wants the best for people and being understanding and yet I get mistreated, disrespected/humiliated. Why? Because I’m the good girl that no fucking guy wants because they are “scared” to commit, I’m too safe of a card or that they find someone who spread their legs for them instant, that is ALL that matters! I’m just so over this and yes tomorrow I will be like what the heck did I just post but I’m not going to sugar code things and say that it’s rainbows and my little ponies with fairy dust!

This is me being honest and real! No, I’m going to bed now!

  • I’m just feeling alone and I don’t deserve it at all!

I’m checking out!

I know what you are…

I know what you are…

Gosh, when will I ever learn?

I can’t believe that after the last breakup I’m still a naive and stupid girl who sees the good in guys that I like and gives them the benefit of doubts! What do they say? Oh yeah! Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me! Fool me every time, girl, just stay single! haha

Why on earth would he care for me and want to get to know me? I mean in the previous post about this topic I mentioned that the guy (ehm… Daniel) didn’t reply on the message I wrote saying that I had a great time! On Friday, I get a reply, days later: Hehe, I had a great time too :* kisses!

Alright! At least he answered I thought and wanted to wait with the reply since he was “playing” the I’m-really-busy-even-though-I’m-constantly-online-game”. I waited till Sunday to write something to him and suggested that it would be nice to meet again soon. Wednesday has just started and AGAIN no answer and not opened the fucking message!

I GIVE UP! I seriously don’t want to talk, write or see Daniel again! He is not worth my time or attention! Stupid guy! I mean, yes I’m disappointed because he seemed like a genuine sweet guy or maybe he is just a really good actor and really fooled me into thinking that he actually wanted to see me again but deep down inside I knew that he might see other girls (c’mon look at the guy, he was gorgeous) and I was just the “girl-of-the-day” in his calendar!

This guy seems to be A) Player/womanizer B) Not into me C) Really “busy” D) Just an idiot  E) All of the options

Which option is more likely according to you?

– Hugs x heart –

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My heart wants me dead

Wow Sweden picked the wrong winner this year for Eurovision Song Contest… I mean Frans song was quite okay but not the winning song! My favorite song was from Lisa Ajax, such a talent and she is only 17 years old! Oh well, but since Sweden is hosting the contest this year, I guess it doesn’t matter who won because we are automatically in the finals.

Hope you all have a great Friday and thanks for being such amazing people! Wish you all happiness and love in the world ❤

– Hugs x heart –

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