I have been feeling kind of down(ish) the past weeks and for those who don’t know I currently live in Uppsala and it’s a really cosy town with a top university! BUT, it’s been really lonely for me, even though I have been fine on my own lately (well, most of the time). This semester wasn’t as good as the last one since I have a new class with people I have zero in common with and I have tried to make plans with them but it just doesn’t click. All the people I liked are in another track, have different timings and most of them live back home in Stockholm (where basically my life is too).
I’m not going to lie, the only reason I don’t click with people in my is because 80% are around ages 21-24 and they just want to party every other day and get wasted but that’s not me and we are in different stages in life, so it gets lonesome. If you don’t attend the parties automatically you are an “outsider” even though they pretend to be nice to you and always say hi, how are you? I’m so sick of all the fake-ness but it’s something this place is known for, to fit in you need to play the rules in order to get the golden star and status that you are someone! I KNOW WHO I AM! I don’t need their validation to prove that I’m good enough (I’m their equal) but it would have been nice to have someone who understood you and was on the same page. Sure, there are few people who I really like who makes me laugh and I can have fun occasionally, try to fit in but it’s only because I want to… for myself!
The saddest part is that I have to deal with the “fake” people daily. It breaks my heart everyday to know that in order to survive this place, I only needed one important person in my life who meant the world to me. Even today, the only thing that keeps me motivated is him, I can still hear his voice in my head saying: I believe in you Nad, you will do great! Just be yourself and don’t care about others but yourself! He changed my world and one day I will explain why. Anyways I didn’t want to write a dull post like this! It’s just one of those days! I will be alright!
Other than that I had a good Saturday, first I want to the movies with my brother to see Deadpool which was quite good movie with some funny lines and later in the evening we celebrated mom’s birthday with dinner and cake while watching Melodifestivalen (Swedish song competition before Eurovision Song Contest). Hope you all are doing well! Miss you guys a lot! I always feel better to write to you guys… I’m just a human being and it feels good to know that you guys don’t judge me and that’s the reason why I share these things! Love you all ❤
– Hugs x heart –