What hurts the most

What hurts the most

Another month has passed…

Am I feeling better? Well no, not really… I’m burying myself with school work to keep myself busy but sadly I still think of him EVERYDAY! I miss him like crazy and I’m still not over the breakup, it’s been really hard on me. It’s not like other times  and there were so many intense feeling involved in such short period of time. We have not been talking for over a month now and it makes me sad that he doesn’t care at all and I have some speculations on why but I can’t write it until it’s for sure that’s the reason. Maybe it’s all in my head 😦

I just don’t understand how a guy can say serious things like seeing a future together and being serious and the next moment dumping me saying that I need to forget him, that he is bad news for me and that he is scared etc. He brutally broke my heart and shredded my dreams into million pieces because he only thought of himself, and how to save him from hurting in the future without even knowing the outcome… no one knows the future so why sabotage when BOTH had feelings.

It’s really hard for me because he was my first true love and it breaks my heart everyday when those precious memories plays in my head unintentionally and it makes me cry. I don’t deserve feeling like this and hand on my heart, I did everything to save our relationship but it was one-sided. I don’t know why he just suddenly changed from the most loving guy to a total stranger. He was my best friend, my inspiration, my strength… he made me a better person and made me believe in love again which no one else managed to do for 3 years. I hate being on square one after feeling those amazing feelings that I felt with him, still do but now it’s not mutual anymore. Also I just got reminded today that whenever I talk to a guy that I find interesting, it ends up with him having a girlfriend so it’s not easy finding a guy who is right yet single aswell.

I know there are people out there with much worse problems and I should just get it together and let go. I wish that it was that simple, I really do! Something is still dragging me to keep myself loving him and I’m not ready to let go and move on quite yet. I really wish that we got our happy ending but there is a reason for things and maybe one day I will find out why. I need to keep convincing myself that it was for the best and that I did what I could but it wasn’t meant to be even if my intuition said from early stage that he was the one but I was wrong! I don’t know! I’m just having one of those days where you feel helpless and alone and it’s 1:30 A.M

I need to get some sleep! Hope everything is great with you and bless your hearts ❤ Talk soon!

– Hugs x heart –

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13 thoughts on “What hurts the most

  1. Remind yourself to give yourself all the time needed. I remember after my breakup with my exboyfriend how I forced myself to move on. It never worked. Only 6 months later when I decided to let go of that relationship, did I slowly move on. I met new boys, yet they made me realise that I was still not entirely over him. Youcannot expect to meet a new boy, when your thoughts still cling to a lost love, boys do notice these things.
    It is now 1 year post my breakup and I still do miss him and our relationship at times. If you really loved someone, you will forever keep them in your heart, it’s just important not to let these thoughts control your present.
    Be strong xx

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    1. Thank you soo much for the advice sweety! I feel better after reading your comments because you also went through a breakup recently so it feels good to have someone understanding me right now in that way. I will have a hard time to really get over him because I thought that he was “the one” because my intuition and heart said yes yes yes from early stage. It all happened so fast and so strong emotions I’ve never felt before, like it was meant to be but he ruined everything! You are so right about everything and I trust you! I really hope that you will find your happiness and chance of true love soon ❤ Thank you for everything! Lots of love!!

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      1. I know what you are going through, I have never been sure about him being the one, but I had a strong feeling about it. And even for me it is really hard to let go, I really don’t want to although I know it does hurt way more to be with him than the other way around. At least when I look at it considering the time range.
        I hope you do find someone else, so you know he wasn’t the one, or else he wouldn’t have treated you that way. I really do!

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      2. Aww thank you sweety! My days goes seriously up and down, one moment I’m doing well and excited to meet someone new and the next day I miss him like crazy because it feels like I lost my soulmate gaaah! I know that I have to let him go but it’s so hard and sometimes I wish he never took it to that point by declaring his love and taking it back like you were nothing 😥 How do you stop thinking of someone? Thank you for your sweet thoughts ❤ Hugs/Nad

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  2. I don’t know what to say to cheer you up Nad.. Last time, I also faced the same problem like you. It is okay if you still have love in your heart, it is not wrong if you find yourself hard to let go.. Let the time heal your wound, God bless you and love you always.

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  3. You know, they say that you need half the time you were with someone to really accept a breakup. So you are doing really well with all things considered. I wish I could snap my fingers and make you feel better, but the only thing that will help is time. I promise it will hurt less eventually!! ❤ – Hugs!

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    1. Oh I sure hope that is true! I mean I’m feeling much better of course but I get those days that I think of the good times and wishing to not being alone! It will be alright one day… I hope haha! I keep myself busy and avoiding things that reminds me of him. You are just too adorable and an amazing friend, thank you for everything ❤ Lots of love and hugs to you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Both of us are sailing in the same boat.
    I know how it feels.
    Its like you imagine your ENTIRE life with them..and then its all gone with the wind. Just like dat!
    You wish he had waited until you’d create just some more memories together…soo that it wud help you kill these lonely and dark nights…
    All those come back ..the memories…those laughs…those conversations..those promises..those times..they all come back. But he nevr does.

    I know how it is. I know. I can let go if i WANT . But i dont wanna. </3.

    Hope u get well.:)

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