Another month has passed…
Am I feeling better? Well no, not really… I’m burying myself with school work to keep myself busy but sadly I still think of him EVERYDAY! I miss him like crazy and I’m still not over the breakup, it’s been really hard on me. It’s not like other times and there were so many intense feeling involved in such short period of time. We have not been talking for over a month now and it makes me sad that he doesn’t care at all and I have some speculations on why but I can’t write it until it’s for sure that’s the reason. Maybe it’s all in my head 😦
I just don’t understand how a guy can say serious things like seeing a future together and being serious and the next moment dumping me saying that I need to forget him, that he is bad news for me and that he is scared etc. He brutally broke my heart and shredded my dreams into million pieces because he only thought of himself, and how to save him from hurting in the future without even knowing the outcome… no one knows the future so why sabotage when BOTH had feelings.
It’s really hard for me because he was my first true love and it breaks my heart everyday when those precious memories plays in my head unintentionally and it makes me cry. I don’t deserve feeling like this and hand on my heart, I did everything to save our relationship but it was one-sided. I don’t know why he just suddenly changed from the most loving guy to a total stranger. He was my best friend, my inspiration, my strength… he made me a better person and made me believe in love again which no one else managed to do for 3 years. I hate being on square one after feeling those amazing feelings that I felt with him, still do but now it’s not mutual anymore. Also I just got reminded today that whenever I talk to a guy that I find interesting, it ends up with him having a girlfriend so it’s not easy finding a guy who is right yet single aswell.
I know there are people out there with much worse problems and I should just get it together and let go. I wish that it was that simple, I really do! Something is still dragging me to keep myself loving him and I’m not ready to let go and move on quite yet. I really wish that we got our happy ending but there is a reason for things and maybe one day I will find out why. I need to keep convincing myself that it was for the best and that I did what I could but it wasn’t meant to be even if my intuition said from early stage that he was the one but I was wrong! I don’t know! I’m just having one of those days where you feel helpless and alone and it’s 1:30 A.M
I need to get some sleep! Hope everything is great with you and bless your hearts ❤ Talk soon!
– Hugs x heart –