It’s been really overwhelmed for me the past few days!
Even though my heart is still aching right now and I just want to talk to him, meet him, hold him, kiss him right now but I have to stay strong for myself! To be honest I have not been this motivated about things in a very very long time (we are talking about years). I don’t know what is giving me all this strength and energy to work even harder in life. I mean yes things happens for a reason but I have changed a lot since the break up and it’s crazy how fast I have matured and become the girl I am today. I have been a very negative minded girl for many years if not decades who felt sorry about herself but this time I put my foot down and said NO! I didn’t come all this way to give up and let people make me feel sorry about myself again. My ex was the one who was brutally honest with me and said that I had to face my fears and battle my own wars instead of hiding and avoiding them. He changed me for the better and I will ALWAYS be thankful for that and that is one of the reasons why I love him. We made each other to a better versions of ourselves as all of our friends said. I was lonely, he was lonely, he needed me and I needed him, we were like day and night but yet the perfect match.
Now after break up I have got so much love and support. I was really thankful for having them in my life but these days I start to hear things that is making me feel little uncomfortable yet very happy for them. My friends keep telling me how brave and strong I am, what a hero I am who is giving them inspiration . Of course those really loving and warm words and I’m super lucky to hear them. Two friends who are also single told me this in two different occasions: Nad, your relationship with P was like romantic movie and you two were really meant to be and you two gave me hope on love again, true love does really exist in real life and I have seen it with my own eyes but it makes me sad that it ended that, it doesn’t feel right, it’s not supposed to end like that.
One part of me is sad that I lost my best friend and my love but I was so touched that my story is making people believe in love again. They told me that they thought everything was impossible for them so that they stop believing in love. I feel honored that they know now that someone is out there who will give them the greatest feeling in the world, the constant butterflies in the stomach, being yourself, laugh or have the biggest smile your face and other things that comes with being in love for real. Yet I don’t feel comfortable when they call me their hero because I don’t feel like I have done anything special worth praising me for since my story didn’t have a happy ending. I know that it’s hard for you to know what happened since May because I have not been sharing things or as you know I haven’t been that active on this blog since I met him. I don’t know if you guys are even interested on hearing our story but I have decided for myself to start writing a book based on my love story because it was out of the ordinary type of love, yes we didn’t last long but it was so intensive and surreal.
I’m no superhero, I’m just a writer who can share a story and emotions.
– Hugs x heart –