I feel a bit guilty for not updating this blog as I want to but as many of you already know I have been spending my evenings/nights talking to this guy I like and he likes me back! I have been lost in my own little world. Yes it’s the guy from my English class who I became friends with the last month of the course when he helped me with my essay which I got 19/20 points.
I didn’t see him more than a classmate because I was not looking for a fling or anything. We started to talk casually and later got to know each other on a deeper level and I don’t know why but it felt safe. He understood me and not once did he ever judge me on some things that I told him, no instead he was supportive and gave me a speech that I need to sort things out instead of avoiding them. He also told me lots of thing too about his life and his issues. We talked for hours online but in classes we were acting normal without people knowing about our new friendship. We are NOTHING a like, he is a guy who many can see as rude and full of himself which I also thought in the beginning but it’s so much more to it.
We all had a week off for studying for the exams so I decided to study with him so we spent some time together at the library just him and I. During study sessions I started to notice the way he looked at me in the “special” kind of way and asked if I had changed the color of my nails, which I didn’t. I had to remind him that we were friends indirectly. One day we had some “discussion/argument” online over a thing and he said something like: Of course I want to listen, I really care for you (which he normally doesn’t do), so I asked if he liked me which he said did. I told him a secret and he took it really well to my surprise and I think at that moment my feelings changed.
I had not felt ANYTHING for more than 3 years and now he came out of nowhere and said all the right things. Now I got confused because it’s such a bad timing since I might study abroad for my Master’s and I didn’t want to hurt him or myself. One day I told that I liked him too but that it’s not a good idea and he was aware of the “problem”.
We met each other one day before the exam and went for long a walk and just talked, we sat by the water and I started to talk about some things from the past and other thing, he was just quiet and listening to me talking for 20 minutes. When I stopped I asked him to say something so he started to say things which were true and I just looked down and listened. I got little upset when we started to go back so he came and gave me a hug, it felt really nice to hold him and know that he cared. He is a completely other person with me, I have hard to believe that it’s the same guy who always had to be right in class or got the “I want to kill you” look from others. I didn’t care because he showed me a soft and sweet side of himself and he is not a bad guy. Ever since classes ended we have been talking every day online till 3-4 AM and talked on the phone.
He is the kind of guy who calls me beautiful and sexy every time we talk, he says I have gorgeous eyes and lips, that I am smart and kind. I know that he wants to be with me but I am the one who is stopping it because I still don’t know what the plans are for next semester. I’m afraid! I do care for him deeply but there are some things in our lives that need to be fixed and right now is maybe not the best time. But I hope that I will find out soon what to do. He makes me smile anyways and I know that he is going to be there for me no matter what will happen. I wanted to share this with you since he has become a part of my life now even though we are close friends at the moment. I never thought it could happen especially with him.
Now you know little more on what’s going on haha!
– Hugs x heart –