I have been trying to blog the past two days but it end up with late conversations with the classmate I mentioned in previous post.
The thing is that we have been talking a lot during these two days and in my head it’s only as friends at first because I don’t do emotions and I KNOW that he is not good for me in that sence that he has his dilemmas (serious ones) that takes over him. I don’t know, it is hard to explain and I can’t do anything about it. Anyways it’s easy to talk to him and I don’t have to pretend or avoid things, since few people stops and have time to talk/listen to you it feels good to have someone who does. That’s why I like talking to him. It can be anything from the past, our inner demons to what series are worth watching and it goes on for hours.
Now the tricky part for me is that I know that he starts to like me, I mean he LIKES me and keep saying how unique, kind, smart and interesting girl I am and that he want to know more. It makes me feel awkward because I’m not used to hearing this and yes he notice that I try to avoid the complement but deep inside I’m flattered and start to like him on the emotional level. I don’t want to admit that to him because he is very fragile and I care too much to hurt him. He wrote to me today after class and we talked causally and we unintentionally got on “sensitive” subject and without thinking I started to ask questions and say thing that made him just put many things out; very serious things but he stopped himself at some point and I think he regretted it so much. He kept on saying: I don’t want to put it all on you, sorry! You have your own thing so ignore what I said, forget it.
I kept on saying that I didn’t mind listening and that I care but yeah he started to build the walls again. I backed off and said that maybe he needed to rest since he just slept few hours. He added that it was dangerous talking to me because I could bring out all these things just by listening. So yeah, I thought he needed his space to cool down. Now I feel very guilty for bringing those things out which are very sensitive for him. I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it now because I do like him, he is an interesting person who I can’t figure out, not the typically guy I normally connect with this way.
I don’t want to feel anything, gah! I though that I had my feelings in control and not allowing to feel small butterflies, yuck! Why is this happening?
That’s why I have not been blogging normal things lately. I don’t know!
What do you think? Please give me advice!!!
– Hugs x heart –