Can you ever escape?

Can you ever escape?

Does the inner demons ever fade away for real? or are they just hiding from the light that shines in to your life and comes up whenever your world feels darker at times?

It sure feels that way sometimes. I have talked little about being depressed during periods of time for different reasons which made me see the world in a negative way and I had no confidence left in my system. It was like someone took everything from me; leaving me with anxiety and shoved me in a lonely place.  It felt like I lost a part of who I was. Sure it took some time and lots of strength  to get on my feet again and I guess at some point I start seeing hope shining through the darkness. It’s hard to explain but some of you might understand.

I felt for a long time that no one could understand this feeling but at work I found few guys who I could talk to as friends. They also had their own thing going on in their lives which they told me because they trusted me.

I have very interesting people in my current class and those with the most “dominant” nature I tend to like most even though I keep it low and just being nice to them. There is this guy who come across as rude whenever he was making a point and everything he said was right, whenever someone questioned him he had to fight back. My first impression of this guy was not so good but at one lecture the teacher started to imply that psychological problems triggers of something and this guy started to say that it can be chronically (something like that), but the teacher “pushed” him into admitting in front of the whole class that the he was bipolar. It all made sence at that point. I can NEVER compare myself with people with real serious issues.

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I start to understand where he was coming from, few weeks later I added him on Facebook and our class forum. Then he wrote and said: Oh is it here everyone have been hiding in the cyberspace. We started to chat little about school and stuff, he offered to help checking my essay for any errors or anything because he is one of the best in the class. Next time we talked he started to explain that he have psychological problems like bipolar and ADHD and that he had a rough time and still going through things and that he has trust-issues too. He is very open about these things so it was not like he was telling a secret since many people in the class already knew about it. I started to talk about my period of depression and anxieties.

At one point he started being sceptical and asked why I was being so nice to him because he knew that he came off as arrogant in others eyes and thought I had some hidden agenda (which I didn’t). I explained that I wanted to be nice without getting anything out of it and felt like I could relate in some strange way. Took a while till he started to lower his suspicious and he started to say nice things that I’m an interesting person which is rare to find these days. It felt good having someone who understood this part of me.

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These past few days have been “worse” after a long time, I feel minor “depression” mostly because I feel lonely and have trouble sleeping. Sometimes you feel like screaming out loud. I’m afraid that I will not find true happiness and yes it bothers me that people have found partners who they love while I have nothing. I have not felt anything for years. I fear that I will never be able to find anyone or love some one ever again. I’m scared that no one will understand this part of me. People who hurt me the most got their happy endings on my behalf  and my pain. While the people who were honest and loving got thrown out in the cold, left all alone… of course it does hurt.


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It’s easy to fall in that hole again and hide under the blanket but I won’t allow it this time even if ghosts from the past tease me sometimes and reminds me of my failures. I’m positive and still want to believe in good things. I think that a heart can be healed when you can fill the part that is missing inside no matter what it is or who it is. The feeling of something missing is not a nice thing and I hope that none of you will go through it. Many people don’t want to talk this topic which is ok. Just know that you are not alone. Who knows maybe one day these inner demons will hide forever and never show up, one can always hope anyways!

Thank you for reading ! Catch up with you all soon! ❤

– Hugs x heart –

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16 thoughts on “Can you ever escape?

    1. Aaw thank you so much Rob ❤ You have always been a good friend to me and I will always cherish that! You are absolutely right but sometimes it can get really lonely. We are programmed wanting to feel special and wanted sometimes that can get the best of us. Thanks again for your comment! May life be good to you and your family!! Have a great weekend! Lots of love!

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  1. Even the most positive people can succumb to negative feelings. Sometimes we see people who appear to be perfect, have everything, and yet we cannot know the insecurities and issues that goes on beneath the surface. How many times I’ve heard people remark with shock and surprise when someone like that has had a breakdown, or something worse. Something that pierces the perfect ideal that we imagined of them. We are all flesh and blood, given to emotions and desires, and not robots.
    I don’t even know if that makes sense, or was the point I was going to make. Just that we don’t know what the future holds (maybe that’s a good thing) but you are sensitive and exude positivity to all that you interact with on here. Keep believing in good things, like you say. Stay true to yourself-who knows what great things are around the corner. Be ready! 🙂
    And yes: hugs 🙂

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    1. You are absolutely right Andy! No one lives the “perfect” life and we all have our own demons that hunts us. Sometimes it can get the best of us and being in a dark place in my life, that anxiety feeling makes me scared to fall in there again even though I have come a long way and is happy as can be. I think it’s small reminders that it’s important to keep a positive mind alive. I just wish there was a way to let go of the pain from the past that hides inside. I’m lucky to have amazing people like you who supports me and that gives me hope. You don’t know how much that means to me, thank you for being a great friend who makes me laugh! May life treat you and your family great! Thanks for the advice! Lots of love and hugs to you!!!

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  2. Nad !! This post touched me, in so many ways. I can totally relate to where you are coming from but what’s good to know is how in the end you are still holding on, still standing and positive (well most of the time) of course we never always stay the same way. Sometimes the darkness takes over and we can’t do anything but to wait for it to pass. I admire your strength. There is always a right time for everything and I believe you will get your happy ending soon ❤

    Loads of love to you my sister, 🙂
    Have a spectacular weekend ❤

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    1. Aaw thank you! I know that there are many people out there who feels the same and it’s not a fun feeling but it’s the truth. I have to be strong and so does everyone who is going through things in life. We all face difficulties in life as a test on how we handle it. Sometimes we fail big time but we can also succeed and make the best of the situation. It’s not always simple being positive especially if you have been sad and angry a long time but it is possible! Thank you so much for your kindness and braveness. You inspire me too because you are a great human being and life will treat you will with everything great, don’t lose hope! ❤ I believe in you! Thank you again for being here for me! Love you ❤

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      1. That was such a sweet note ! I won’t lose hope cuz I know I’ve got a long way to go 🙂

        Thank you so much Nad, I’m here for you the same way you are here for me ! ❤

        Love you too ❤

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      2. Yes we are never fully recovered from the pain. I have been extra emotional these days and feel extra alone even if I have wonderful people. Sometimes the past runs after me and reminds me of things! I really hope that you will be strong enough to say no to your biggest fear ! ❤ I believe in you! ❤

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  3. Expressing yourself is an important way to deal with emotions. The longer you live the more opportunities you will have for growth and transformation. Everything you experience in life (positive and negative) is necessary to help you achieve balance. Be kind to yourself and others. You don’t have to worry about searching for happiness; it will find you! Keep smiling.

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    1. I got really happy reading your comment with those kind words. I really appreaciate it especially when you have been feeling little down. Thank you for the great advice, bless you! May life treat you good aswell! Have a great weekend my friend! Lots of hugs!

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